It's been hard

It's been hard lately to really settle in to my new living arrangements not least because I never thought I would be in this position again, especially at the good age of 33, but, lo and behold, here am I. I have little to no privacy and I am in an environment where it is very difficult to practice the faith I have embraced, particularly in my prayers. But, all in all, I am grateful for my family who has taken me in during my time of hardship. May God grant them their requests that are unto salvation and life eternal.

But, it has been difficult because I cannot really seem to connect with the church here. It's not that the people have been unwelcoming or mean--quite the contrary, but, simply, it's not home. This weekend, I was given a blessing to chant Vespers and I had to work very hard not to do too much or do anything to suggest that I was now going to be calling the shots, which I pretty much did back in Omaha.

Back in Omaha, I could go to the church whenever I wished. I could stand before the iconostasis and pray/chant the hours, matins, vespers, paraklesis, akathist, compline, whatever I wished. It helped a lot that I could do that. Here, I don't have that same arrangement and, honestly, there's no reason I should. Fr. Don understood my situation and that is why I could go to St. Mary's anytime I wished and I don't expect Fr. Elias to be understanding or to trust me with unfettered access to the new temple.

I'm going to be here at least another two and a half months, assuming that my plans remain unchanged. This just shows how much St. Mary in Omaha was my spiritual home. I was comfortable there. Here, I feel very much a stranger, even in one of God's church. Hopefully, this is only a temporary problem. I miss St. Mary's a lot and I'm happy that I will be going back there this coming weekend for a little visit.